Am not going to care hw things will change in the future I just want to enjoy myself nw n flirt with that same old boy I like:)

Why didn't anyone inform me that 27/01 is the actual release day of JAP result?
It's just came so sudden this morning.' Hey on ur phone and see the result...' It's damn abrupt and i chose to face it alone as usual. I got into TP Business.
Everyone seems to be glad when i told them my result
.What about me- the main character?
Happy? Disappointed? Tears?
Ask me & i will only look at u blankly.






I got into TP Business.

Bring me to Life

I woke up from a Terrible Worst Ever NIGHTMARE At 2h ago. The most scaring part is i have no idea if am in the dream or reality. It totally freaked me out. Never in my life am i so dubious if am still in this Earth. Nothing wake me up just now & I called Nitsuj (a decision which am not sure if it's right or wrong)
we had a conversation which i can't remember what i have said or rather i dun know what nonsense have i spouted. This is bad. wait let me think again... Haha ok tiny little bits of memories are running in my mind now. I think he pissed me off and he have yet to apologise SINCERELY. Unhappy* He did something sweet n funny as well to make me laugh n ensure that am back to reality. Adores*
I doubt i can sleep. Am dread of my bed now.
Can't sleep as well?
Call/text me am free to entertain you.
FOC:)

Did i tell you i like them?? OMG!!!

That's when i love you

Give me 3 minutes 39 seconds

of your lifetime

&

listen to this song.

Am indifferent

if you know how to apprepricate me.

In a few hours time, i will be back to a place
a place where I conquer.
Finally, everything seems to settle down.
I can leave the City for a few days and figure out what's my next step via this short vacation.
2010 is going to be a new adventurous year for everyone.
Am going to enter a new environment, meet new people & adapt everything like never before.
I remember this is what i want when am in secondary school;
getting rid of people i detest, explore the world out there and start my new lap of journey again.
That's one of the reason i choose SP.
However, the thought of it scares me now.
Imagine meeting one of my classmates on the street,
and what are we going to say next?
The usual end of conversation : Meet up soon ya/ Catch up again!
That day will never arrive or rather should i say tough.
We have our own new live soon and will we forget about the past?
Or is the past meant to be forgotten?
Am dread/detest/afraid of changes.
Am not ready yet.
Are you?

After the previous emotion post, Are you dying to know my O's results?

Let me fufill your dream then.

EL: C6 (thanks God)

Combined Humanities: B3 ( Very Disappointing)

Combined Sciences: A1 (hmm..surprising)

Amath: A2 ( though it didn't reach my target, Thanks Mr Low:)

Emath: A2 (Cried as loud as million of babies but still thanks Mr Cheng alot:)

POA: A2 (lucky)

MT: A2

L1R4: 13 L1R5: 16

I know it's not bad but it just didn't live up to my expectations so I called off the celebration.

All right anyway after a few days of crying, I have accepted my results and learn to feel contented about it. After 5 days of depression and confusion, I have made informed choices and applied online. A burden was down,finally.

Now i have to remind myself & YOU that we are still having HOLIDAY!!!

14/01/2010

Catch Avater with Nitsuj. It's an Awesome Movie but unfortunately it doesn't have much 3D effect and we still have to put on that stupid dirty spec. I like the luminous light and animation effects. Sometimes it's really good to escape the reality for awhile and enjoy in our dreamland.

We went Swenson for dinner afterthat:) Ordered main courses separately followed up by TWO Topless Five. The waitress keep ordering the wrong flavours for us!!! Interesting incident that keep us laughing.

lovely day:)

know me deeper.

Dear me,

Hey this may b a random starting but i guess this is the best way to know exactly how i feel n what has gone wrong with me. Honestly, i know that i will score around the range of 11 to 13 but it's just that i have not accept the fact yet. Life is seriously unfair. The effort, hardwork, sacrification, tears, studying and burning midnight oil did not pay off. 5 years of education in Pasir Ris just mark the results and certificate we get today/yst. Results- that's what everyone sees Only isn't it? Who will ever spare a thought to understand the tough time and moment we have endured for the preparation of O's? Please, not even parents.
''You will do well so don't worry'' ''I will clap the loudest when ur name appears on the top students' list'' ''Sure can one lah'' etc etc etc...Now what? Anyone else want to do the speaking now? My turn. Why place high hopes on me? Didn't i warn you guys that am not as smart as what ur think? See. It's proven.
It has been 18 yrs and abt 11 yrs of education. Still, i have not live up to expectations.Be it PSLE or O's, i only bring back disappointment. Should i accept my fate that am destined to b a failure?
''What about ur frends? Did they perform?'' That's what all parents will ask their child after knowing how their own beloved one did isn't it? Honestly, i don't blame my mom for asking becoz in e future i may ask my child such question as well :/ ya Just out asking out of curious. But do you know what? It hurts to tell especially when they performed way beyond you. 4A1s. It's like Wow. Am impressed totally. Congrats then. Am not jealous of her/theirs results frankly speaking. Actually i have predicted that she/they will do well and appear in the top students' list. Then here comes my million dollar question (Ms Jaslin's favourite line) : Where the hell is my name-Tan Xin Ci?
where where where? Tell me if u see it bcoz i don't!!!
It's not that i want to boost about my EXCELLENT results in front of the crowd but it really matters to me! I want to tell my parents and most importantly tell my Grandma the feeling of shaking hands with my principal(for the last time) and with many cameras around me. I want them to feel Proud. I want to make the calls immediately in the Hall, the moment i got my results. However, it never happens. Where and how do i find the courage from to make that 'Proud call' ? Like how i did last yr-when receiving my O level Emath result, i simply let my phone rings and vibrates because i totally have no courage to inform them my results. Oh ya at least i learn smth last year: Never break down in the crowd! So this time, i didn't. Smart move:)
All right let't keep that aside/ erase it away. Am fine really:)
Hey ppl, no matter what ur results are, it's fixed!
So, let's cry over it and move on ya.
Think the positive side: Mayb God give u this result is to guide you to a Better place, to know Better people and turn u to b a Better person with a Bright Future:)
So, Breathe and make wise decision!
No one knows better then urselves.
So, do what you like and Be Happy.
That's what it matters in Life isn't it?

YES:)

The worst mondayblue will be TOMORROW!

MONDAYMONDAYMONDAY!!!
Am SOOOOO going CRAZY , INSANE , MAD , HOT or whatsoever you want to name!
I feel like crying shouting jumping laughing!
The process of waiting is bad WORST!
I HATE waiting!!!
Either u tell me last minute that tomorrow is the release of results or u tell me my result Now i mean NoW!
I have not been sleeping well since the day i know that Monday is the release of results. Anyway,I did my reflection. If i could turn back the clock, i will push myself to the hardest for physic and Amath.
I have been consistent and doing alot of Amath question( 2 reasons) but,i did not push myself to the Maxi, the day before the paper. As for physic, i did not complete the tys twice neither did i do many other schools' paper for revision:( The worst thing is i know i did not perform well on that day!
Overall i know i have done my best but i have a feeling that i will not do well and for sure i will disappoint them. Hardwork will pay off? not really i think. It depends on luck as well which am lack of. Damn! Bad Feeling. Bad.
Am ready to flood the toilet.

No matter what ur decision is
u know u have my support
so i hope i have urs as well.

17&Pregnant? No!

I was on my way to Bugis yesterday and Randolph appeared on my phone so i picked up wondering why will this partyboy call me.
Randolph: Are you pregnant?
me: HuH?! WHAT? PREGNANT???
Randolph: ya. pregnant. If not then why are u taking the priority seat?
Instantly i looked at my surrounding and i saw the partyboy sitting only a shortshort distance away from me.
Randolph: Look who's OPPOSITE you.
Nikhil waving at me.
If Singapore is that small then why have i not met ______:(

Being a woman at the back is not easy
it's not my style
but am trying
only with a reason
you know.
Being the man who will do what aren't you
is tough
but show me that you are trying&Doing.
I hope it's going this way
but probably it wouldn't be this way

I thought I hate her. I thought I wouldn't feel sad when she tears. I thought that I could pretend nothing happens when she was bullied. However, it didn't seems to turn out the ways I thought. I love her. Am sad. I want to do to kill him. Because no matter how mean she treats me, how much complains and ill treatments i have received from her, we still share the same _____. This can only be the reason iloveher.
I wish to be a selfish freak. Am not willing to love anyone or sacrifice for the people i love. However since after ____ i decided to give it a try and teach myself to love. I decided to take the risk to believe that when u contribute to give your partner happiness, u yourself will receive happiness. I have contributed and now am asking is it worth it. I started to doubt that sentence especially after seeing what she is going through now. This is bad.

Meeting _____ yst was a wrong decision. As much as I know he isn't someone who i can believe in or even listen to, what he said, doubt my life. I started to doubt the people around me Again and question myself am i trusting the right one(s). I thought I could forget what he said but it turned out worst. I had a nightmare. It reminds me of situations which am always dreaded of in the past. Back then i trust no one or rather i don't even trust myself but things and people around me change my thinking. I started to open my heart slowly. Now it stops.
Maybe it's time for miracle.

I want an Awesome 2010 (with them)